A Dark Secret
by rainbowrainingkitten
Summary: Voldemort has a dark secret; darker than the Horcruxes...the Dark Lord...SHIPS! Read to discover his love for Hinny, and how Bellatrix endures it. H/G, R/HR, hints of Bellamort. Rated for one use of language.


"DAMN IT BELLATRIX I'M SICK OF THIS!"

Bellatrix Lestrange was calmly going about her everyday duties; plotting which Mudblood to kill next. Oh, how she longed to scrub out that disgusting name on her prestigious parchment, that irksome ink-mark, that evil-emitting word, that stupid scribble - _Hermione Granger_!

Just as her thick, lustrous charcoal eyebrows knotted together in concentration and she swept her oddly fuschia-tinted tongue over the chopstick-thin ebony-coloured lines she called lips, an infuriated yell blasted through the chilling atmosphere of that idiot Lucius's dining room, and Bellatrix leapt to her feet.

"My Lord!" she yelped in angst, abandoning the parchment as it escaped her once-vice-like grip and floated elegantly to the polished, slippery tiles. The pertubed witch began to hurry as best she could across the dangerously-scrubbed floors, relishing that satisfying sound her (midnight-black) heels made as they scratched along the tiles whilst keeping the distressed emotion at bay.

Bellatrix came rushing into the "living room" as Narcissa had christened it, and was immediately engulfed by the delicious colour of black as it enveloped her in a sense of elation. Such a clean, Mudblood-free colour, it escaped the grips of such horrible colours like _red, _that awful cadmium of those blood-traitor _Weasleys. _

Lord Voldemort was sat at an ivory-and-black marble table, long, chipped fingernails slamming against the cold metal rhythmically. His expression seemed frustrated, as it did nowadays, what with that Potter brat having so much luck, and as Snape had commented "friends more clever than he is". Ooh, that Potter was as infuriating as the Mudblood Granger!

"Bellatrix." he snarled, a pool of saliva slapping the table forcefully as he hissed. "I am FURIOUS!"

"My Lord." Bellatrix managed to keep her eyes on his pallid, chiselled features whilst eyeing him cautiously, desperate not to jump at his words - any respect he might have mustered for her would vanish on the spot if she did.

"This POTTER brat has once again failed to show a speck of courage! It is VEXATIOUS!"

"My Lord, what has he done?" Bellatrix demanded, eyes beginning to stream with the intensity of gazing back at her master with awe.

"This - this HINNY problem!"

"_Hinny_?" Bellatrix exclaimed in shock, nasal tone echoing maddeningly across the cold atmosphere. "What is that, my Lord, a disease? Was it carried across from that MUDBLOOD Granger?" excitement began to course through her arteries. Yes! Another thing to bump Granger to the top of the list! _Brilliant_!

"No!" wailed Voldemort. _Wailed? Wailed? The Dark Lord, WAILING? WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?_

"My Lord, tell me - your most trusted - I shall not spread-" Bellatrix trailed off uncertainly, her dark eyes transfixed on the whining figure before her.

"It is the Potter brat and his - his - his _crush_!"

"The Potter brat has a _crush_?" Bellatrix could not suppress her laughter - the manical laughter pierced the room sharply as she threw back her coarse black curls and roared.

"It is NOT FUNNY!" shouted Voldemort. "How DARE you LAUGH? CRUCIO!"

But the curse missed the hysterical witch as her laughter prevented her from standing any longer, and she dropped to the floor like a stone. The crimson light seared across the room and shattered to smithereens Narcissa's favourite patch-black-and-white vase. The glass remains sliced through the air and decorated the floor.

"BELLATRIX! SHUT UP! I COMMAND YOU!"

The witch's mouth slammed shut with excessive force - Bellatrix knew better than to challenge the Dark Lord, but the idea of _Potter _falling in love tickled her mind continously, and it was extremely irritating to conceal her humour.

"Please - my Lord - tell me - who is it?" she could barely stutter the words before jamming her mouth shut again before giggles escaped.

"I am glad, Bellatrix, you understand the serious-ness of this problem. It is, Potter's revolting affection for - the _Weasley _brat."

"Oh - my - Godric - Gryffindor -"

Voldemort's scarlet eyes flashed warningly as they followed his lieutenant sharply, and he clenched the long, embellished fingers of his and hissed.

"HE'S GAY!" Bellatrix yelled in glee. "POTTER IS GAAAAAAAAAY!"

"No, you incompetant imbocile!" Voldemort screeched. "THE FEMALE WEASLEY BRAT!"

Bellatrix stared at her master in shock and what could have been fear or elation (you never knew which with a temperamental one like her) and cackled.

"You mean - _Ginevra Weasley_? That little fiery thing? Oh MY! Potter and Weasley!"

"BELLATRIX!" roared Voldemort. "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW AWFUL THIS IS?"

"No, my Lord," she quickly interjected, "I do not...we can kill two Hippogriffs with one Avada Kedavra. If we torture Potter's little girlfriend first, with him watching, and kill her...oh, what fun!"

"YOU STUPID WOMAN!" screamed an irate Voldemort. "I HAVE TO HEAR HIS REPULSIVE THOUGHTS! And worst of all-"  
>he paused for a melodramatic finish and changed his wrath-filled tone to a wail of despair "-I SHIP HINNY!"<p>

Bellatrix was now very puzzled. First of all, she had no idea what "Hinny" was, and was extremely disappointed that it was not a Mudblood disease. Secondly, the Dark Lord was being - well - a _baby_.

"But my Lord," she murmured in a misguided attempt not to anger him further, "what is Hinny?"

"H-Harry," Voldemort shrieked nasally, "and - _Ginny_. HINNY! Because of all this, and seeing through his eyes - I SHIP HINNY!"

"You want a boat, my Lord?" Bellatrix questioned, perplexed. "But my Lord - those horrible Muggle contraptions! Made by filth, no doubt!"

"NO, YOU UNINTELLIGENT FUTILE FREAK!" Voldemort launched into another yell of pure livid wrath. "Ship means SUPPORT!"

"You mean-" Bellatrix gasped dramatically "-you _want _Potter to get together with that flea-ridden blood-traitor? My Lord!"

"So you SEE MY DILEMMA!" wailed Voldemort again, and conjured a huge box of tissues, which he promptly used to swipe away some weird droplets pouring from his scarily-narrow slits.

"My Lord - are you _crying_?" Bellatrix exclaimed in wonder. "My Lord!"

* * *

><p>"Heeeeeeeeey Harry."<p>

"Heeeeeeeeey Ron."

"Shuuuuuuuuuuut up."

"No need to be rude, Hermione."

"It is _rude _to talk in a library when people are trying to work!"

"So sweet-tempered, our Hermione."

"_Our _Hermione, Ronald? I do not belong to anyone!"

"Calm down! Don't get all high-and-mighty!"

"How dare you accuse _me _of being high-and-mighty!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're the one refusing to wear that chain your _girlfriend _got you!"

"That's 'cause it's disgusting! Why, did _Vicky _send you one, Her-mi-o-ninny?"

"Stop it Ron! At least _Viktor _appreciates me! You're only nice when I'm writing an essay for you!"

"Shut up, both of you."

Harry hissed out his last remark with what even he admitted to be venom. Ron and Hermione's bickering did nothing to ease the throbbing headache Trelawney's perplexing homework had so graciously given him, and on top of that he had just seen Dean pulling Ginny by the hand into a deserted corridor. Just his luck.

What did Ginny even see in Dean? Sure, he was an okay person. But Ginny was _amazing_! Why did Dean get to be the one to drool all over her, and not him? Yes, he could do it in private. But _he _should be pulling Ginny into deserted corridors. _He _should be the one Ron grumbled about all the time. And _he _should have Ginny as his girlfriend!

Stupid Dean!

"Harry..._Harry_...wake up? You're staring into space and Hermione looks as if she's about to kill you for snapping that pencil. You know how she is about those pencils, they've got the bloody _SPEW _initials engraved on the sides and she's going to be on at us for donations again if you aren't careful."

Harry was viciously pulled out of his Ginny-daydream by another redheaded figure, but this one was not beautiful. (Unless you were Hermione). Instead, he was grumpy.

"Yeah, sorry." he mumbled, cheeks resembling cherries. "I - um was thinking about - uh...something."

"What?" Ron demanded, predictably.

"I dunno." muttered Harry heatedly. "What were you thinking about?"

"It was a girl, wasn't it?" Ron smirked. "Who?"

"Nobody." Harry insisted tetchily. "None of your business!"

"It wasn't Hermione, was it?" Ron looked _very _alarmed at the thought, and his cerulean-blue eyes ignited.

"No." Harry snorted amusedly. "She's my surrogate sister, mate. And for the last time, I wasn't thinking about _anybody_!"

"It was Madam Pince, wasn't it?" grinned Ron, abandoning his serious approach much to Harry's relief. "You were imagining her in a bikini."

"Shut up!" Harry groaned in disgust. "Now I feel sick."

Ron eyed his mate, decided he would find out later who his friend's crush was, and settled back into dreaming very un-platonic thoughts about Hermione.

* * *

><p>One Day Later<p>

* * *

><p>"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"<p>

Bellatrix Lestrange's quill snapped in half brutally and about fifty ml worth of ebony ink gushed onto her parchment, ruining the perfect formation of the word "Mudblood Granger" at number one on her list. If it hadn't been ruining _Lucius__'s _floor, she would have been disgruntled to say the least. But the sight of the Everlasting Ink pouring across that simpleton's lavish stone floor sent a rush of vindictive pleasure through her body as she hurried into the living room with as much haste as possible for the second time.

Voldemort was making weird movements with his arms and squealing with joy (a sight most shocking and rather annoying for a narcissistic, black-minded witch like Bellatrix) and did not cease when he caught sight of Bellatrix.

"Potter-" he coughed for pause, trying to keep her on edge "- has SNOGGED the Weasel-girl! HINNY SURVIVES!"

Bellatrix just stood there, gazing at her master in surprise as the breath caught in her throat.

"Yippee." she said dryly, watching him prance around the room looking like a demented and extremely ugly ballerina (whatever that was).

"BELLATRIX! Scream with ectsasy!" Voldemort commanded gleefully. Oh, he loved being the Dark Lord.

Bellatrix obliged. After all, looking like an idiot was far better than being contradicted by her own crush.

Suddenly, she caught sight of Nagini, whose elaborate electric-green scales seemed to shimmer in the dim light. Nagini was one of her worst enemies, due to the fact that she, Bellatrix, supported "Bellamort" immensely, with all her heart. Nagini, however, cherished "Lord Vagini."

Dumb snake.

"You might think," Bellatrix whipped round and was delighted to see Voldemort was no longer darting around, "I would be bored with no shipping to do, now Hinny is in process. But I have discovered a new love! Romione!"

Bellatrix decided maybe it would be better to lie down than agree with Voldemort on that one.

**Fin. Hope you enjoyed. As usual, review please & tell me what you thought! No flames :D**

**~RRK**


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